Okay, I’m sure that you’ve seen my pictures on Facebook about my garbage can. Let me start at the beginning..

I live on post. In an area affectionately known as Ghetto Terrace. Yes, it looks EXACTLY as it sounds. GHETTO. Ramshackle houses, although I’ve seen Section 8 Housing that looks luxurious compared to what we live in…and that’s saying a metric shit ton of things. I bet some of you are like, “Why don’t you move off of post?” Two things really… ONE: I hate packing. The only time shit gets packed is when the movers do it…and TWO: Most of my friends live on post, a street or two away..which is great when you want to throw an impromptu party and no one drives home drunk. So there’s that. I didn’t think that living on post was going to be such a hassle….back in the desert of west Texas, my two bedroom house had more room than this three bedroom did…(I miss my garage….I miss my linen closet, my walk in closet. My big ass kitchen.) and the housing people left you alone. There were no nastygrams every week about something stupid. Like here. We pay all of our BAH (Which is a Basic Housing Allotment, for my non military friends) for a ramshackle house. No room for entertaining in the kitchen, no room for my bookshelves (GASP!) Shit’s falling apart, mold in the vents. But in order to get the new housing(With ALL the room/THINGS), I’ve got to have fiftyleven children. No thanks.

But the big issue is the garbage cans. I leave my garbage can on the curb all the time. First off, I don’t have a corral to put it in that’s not near my house (I miss my house in Texas) so I’ve got to put it in the ‘front porch’ area near my side door…and in the summertime, the bugs(the flying kind.) like to visit the inside of my house, and that my friend is no bueno nacho. I know some of you are like, “Why don’t you wash out the bin?” Simple as this. I DON’T WANT TO.  It’s a GODDAMN GARBAGE CAN, THAT’S WHY.  I leave it on the curb for that reason. Also, I live on a cul-de-sac, so no one is traipsing through my neighborhood, walking on my sidewalks. But I’m wayyyyyy digressing.

So I get this nastygram from housing about my garbage can. A couple of weeks ago, and I got PISSED. Just leave me the HELLO KITTY alone!  I know I’m sounding like a whiny old lady, but I pay my ‘rent’ and leave well enough alone.  So I decided to stick it to the man and not have my garbage can on the curb….everywhere else BUT THE CURB. I also know that some of you are like WTFuckery, just get to the point of this already, sheeeit.

So one morning, I did this:

And then this the next:Ooh, look at this one the day after:OOH and lookie here (My Personal Favorite) the day after that:I have a couple of more ideas, but since it’s been raining the past few days, I’ve had to postpone the placement of the can. I try to move it everyday to a different location and take a picture of it. Because I’m having fun with it….and there’s nothing like a big fuck you to housing like a garbage can that isn’t on the curb.

Y’all, it’s about that time….Oscar time. My favorite time of the year. Although sad that I didn’t see any of the Best Picture Nominations this year. It’s called, like having a kid and watching Pixar films. Whatever, don’t hate. I love me some cartoon movies. But I digress. Here…we…go.

8.37pm- “We saw your boobs.” Seth McFarlane is singing…about boobs we’ve seen…complete with dancing. Awesome.

8.39pm-CHAY TATES IS DANCING. CHAY TATES IS DANCING. What can’t this man do?!? Why does he have clothes on?!?!

8.41pm-Reenactment of Flight with Sock Puppets. Yes, please.

8.42pm. JGL and Harry Potter. Singing and dancing. I love them both.

8.43pm-Seth McFarlane, mediocre host. Says future headline.

8.44pm-Singing Nun with Sally Field…and Seth McFarlane. Making out. Making THE Fuck out. I don’t even.

845pm-Octavia Spencer. I don’t even know what category this is. Her dress is nice. OMG, Robbie D is nominated. Is this the Best Supporting Actor? Yes, yes it is!

8.50pm-Who the fuck won? It’s Christoph Waltz, that’s who. I am sorry Robbie D. I still love you.

COMMERCIAL TIME.

Okay, and we’re back.

8.55pm-Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy- “Where’s Paul Rudd? I don’t know.” Animated Film? Animated Short Film. Animated Short Film. PAPERMANNNNNNNNNNNN. Best short evar.

8.59pm WRECK IT RALPH WAS ROBBED. UGH. I mean Brave was good, but it was no Wreck It Ralph.

9.01pm- Is it me, or are they running through these categories quite quickly? *looks at the time* Oh my god, I’m missing The Walking  Dead. Daryl.  But we’re up on the Best Picture Categories. This Life of Pi movie looks beautiful, but it’s putting me to damn sleep. *Snores* Oh wait, they were just showing the NOMINEES. The nominees.

9.05pm- Thekrjnd,.manrjeanga,d. Er, The Avengers. JKIngdgna,md.nhgueirn. Hawkeye. Tony Stark. Samuel L. Mothafukkin Jackson.  Tlkmm;sirtuernl;eak;jd,smr/. So just lost my mind. UGH. LIFE OF PI. UGH. Skyfall was robbed. ROBBED. What category was this? I was blinded by The Avengers.  Visual Editing? Uh..LIFE OF PI AGAIN?!?! It would be different if it was about actual PIE. Then I would love it. Dude got played off by the Jaws music. AWESOME. No one wants to hear your crap.

Sometime later, that’s before 9.15pm. We’re on a commercial break. I had to wipe the drool from my mouth. I love The Avengers.

9.16pm-Chay Tates..and the FIRST Mrs. Brad Pitt. Costume Design. Achievement for Costume Design. If Snow White wins, I will bite my tongue. Thank you, Sweet Peppery Jesus. Anna Karenina.

9.19pm-Makeup and Hairstyling. LES MIS for the win. Lady’s gotta walk from the box. Whoa, that was fast. It was like she had a DeLorian to get to the stage.

9.21pm- Halle Berry.  Seth’s favorite Bond Girl. My favorite Bond Girl. I love her hair. I am going to try that to my hair. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. I LIKED CATWOMAN. DON’T YOU JUDGE ME. EVER. Tribute to all things Bond. *sighs* James Bond.  Favorite Bond Songs? View to A Kill, Skyfall, Goldfinger, and Live and Let Die.

9.24pm- GOLDFINNNNNGAHHHHHHHH.

9.26pm-Sings along with Goldfinger. Well, pulls a Britney Spears and lip syncs that shiz.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention….that this is being held in the former Kodak Theatre. Now it’s the Dolby Theatre. Just thought you might want to know.  Plus it’s commercial time.

9.33pm Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx. Best Something Live Action Short Film. Curfew.  Talk fasst. Faster. Not fast enough. You’re boring me. Moving on.

9.37pm- Documentary Short Film just made me snore. Loudly.

I am trying to catch up, because I totally rewound the DVR.

9.38pm-Why have I not seen Argo? OH. I DO NOT LIKE BEN AFFLECK. Oh why have I not seen any of these movies? WAR.SLAVES. BEN AFFLECK. UGH.

9.41. “The man who REALLY got inside of Lincoln’s head? John Wilkes Booth.”

9.42pm- Ben Affleck. UGH. Best Documentary Film. Searching for Sugar Man. PLAY THE JAWS….YESSSSSSSSSS. You read my brainwaves…

Commercial Break time.

9.49-Jessica and Jennifer. Best FOREIGN film?  Yes. Foreign Language Film. AMOR. Amour. It looks good.

9.52pm- John Travolta. Catherine Zeta Jones? Chicago? DED. Lip Synching like Beyonce. I went there.

9.57pm- I AM TELLING YOU I AM NOT GOING. NOT GOING. I LOVE YOU J. HUD. NOT GOING. Still lip synching like Beyonce.

10.00pm-WOLVERINE. I tried to stalk him one time. It didn’t work. What is that on his chin? WHERE IS COLM WILKENSON. The Original JEAN VALJEAN. Cast of the Movie Les Mis. Not the PBS version. I LOVE the PBS version. ONE DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Commercial Break

10.08pm-STAR TREK LIKE A MOTHAFUKKA. Blah blah blah…something.

10.11pm-TED. I honestly loved that movie. Les Mis? Best sound mixing. Skyfall better win something. SOMETHING. Sound mixing goes to…A TIE. Zero Dark Thirty. SKYFALL. Awesomesauce. Now they have to battle it out for the death.

10.18pm-Something about Captain VonTrapp. OH CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER, HAI. Best  Supporting Actress? ANNE HATHAWAY. HOLLA. “It came true.” She is a damn peach.

10.28pm-Back from Commercial Break. I heard Indiana Jones music, head snapped up. Only the Oscars President. Or something. Whatever. Play the Jaws Music.

10.31pm-Sandra Bullock presents film editing. You know, this would be about an hour if they only did the important categories. Just sayin. ARGO won that shiz. [Insert sarcastic tone here.] Yay.

10.34pm- Adele. ADELE. AAAAAAAAADELE. Tonya Hurley tweeted it the best: “No tweeting during Adele.” Now I have this urge to watch Skyfall after this.

Commercial Break. I need to collect my feels.

10.45pm-Austrialia’s Favorite Living Mannequin, Nicole Kidman.

10.48pm-Kristen Stewart looks like she just woke up and someone jammed her into a dress. Girl, next year, stay your ass home. No one wants to see you, you Trampire. Something about Lincoln. I was ranting and raving  about the Trampire.

10.52pm- Salma Hayek is on….errrybody hush. I need to know what she is saying.  Something about nominees. I see the K from Dreamworks SKG and D.A. Panebaker. I don’t know what this is for. Honestly. I am still angry that they let K-Stew out from Skid Row.

Shit the Twits have been saying about the whole debacle:

Even when I’m doing my best Johnny Depp in Secret Window I still apparently look more together Kristen Stewart on Oscar night.

— courtney summers (@courtney_s) February 25, 2013

Is there a special code to use when texting your drug dealer “Give me a truckload of whatever Kristen Stewart is on”? Asking for a friend.

— blairherter (@blairherter) February 25, 2013

Kristen Stewart, the whole awkward thing was okay when you were presenting at the MTV Movie Awards. Stand up straight and Be A Person now.

— Adam Silvera (@AdamSilvera) February 25, 2013

Damn, KStew, take this time to lean on Dan Radcliffe! Ask what being in an awesome franchise is like.

— Forever Young Adult (@4everYA) February 25, 2013

10.57pm- MY FAVORITE PART. THE DEADS. OHMYGHOUL, THE DEADS.

11.01pm-BABS. Memories. Kill me. I’m dead. The Way We Were. Best ever. Shaddup. I like me some Babs, okeh?!?!

This is a good time for a commercial. What the fuck, ABC, you cancelled Last Resort for some high diving bullshit? *Slow Claps*

11.08pm-10 years since Chicago was a movie? Get the fuck outta here. I love that Musical. Not as much as Rent or Les Mis, but still up there. Plus, it doesn’t make me cry like Miss Saigon. Best Original Score time. UGH. Life of Damn Pi.  UGH. UGH. Skyfall best win Best Original Song…whenever it comes along.

This Life of Pi shit is killing me.  What song is Norah Jones singing? I turned away for like three seconds. Maybe I’m still hung up on K-Stew’s look, I don’t know. What just  happened?!?!

SKYFALL. SKY-MOTHERFUKKING-FALL. [Aside: I guess we were doing Best Original Song. End of Aside.] Aw, Adele behbeh in tears. Awww. You rock.

11.22pm-”It’s getting late.” No SHIT. I’m getting grumpy. Also, I didn’t know that Dustin Hoffman was so short. Or Charlize is an Amazon. I don’t know what category this is, but Argo won again. Best Adapted Screenplay,I guess. Whatever. They are presenting another-TARANTINOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. For the win. FOR THE WIN. Apparently him and Charlize are neighbors. Nice. ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY…Peace Out…complete with a peace sign.

11.32pm- “Cocaine trees as far as the eyes can see…”

11.33pm-Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas. Both FREAKING amazing. Love them. Best Director Award.UGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Life of WHY…

When this Oscars ceremony began the couple in Amour had just started dating.

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 25, 2013

Thank you for summing up how I feel right now, as we head to commercial break.

11.40pm-Jean Dujardin. Just read the freaking phone book to me. Please. I beg of you. Now I want to watch The Artist. After Skyfall. Best Actress. I hope that 9 year old wins. My typing is getting horrible. OH SHIT SON, Jennifer Lawrence. Kudos. Apparently, she fell.  I was too busy having my face in 4 monitors. Yo’ Mama. Don’t judge.

11.45pm-Queen Meryl. Lead Actor time.  I think DDL is going to get it. But it’s that slim chance that the Coop’s ganna get it. WAIT. WOLVERINE IS NOMINATED?!?!? Ugh, such choices. Minus Joaquin Phoenix. I knew him when he was Leaf, hanging out with his brother River. Well, not personally. But it’s like saying I knew Drake when he was Jimmy on Degrassi. WILL THESE OSCARS EVER END?!?!

11.48pm-DDL Wins Best Actor. OMGOSH. I need to put him on my list of people to read various things to me. I think he gets the dictionary.  So, does that mean DDL’s wife slept with Lincoln? Oh, cos that is just wicked gross.

11.52pm-Jack Nicholson. Still weird. We’re at the White House. I want that dress. I want Michelle Obama to be my mom. She’s kind of cool. Best Movie Time. I am at the point where I DGAF who wins, my eyeballs are tired.

FUCK AN ARGO. That is all. Can this dude stop talking. He’s making me want to Hulk Smash things. Stupid speech, making me want to see this damned movie. I hate myself for that.

ARGO FUCK YOURSELF! #Argo #2013Oscars #Oscars #Argofuckyourself

— Chris Gore (@ThatChrisGore) February 25, 2013

That’s how I feel.

That’s it. See you in 2014. Peace Out.

January has been one of the most trying months and it’s just the beginning of 2013! My huz-b deployed the day after New Years. Suckfest! It’s a bad thing because I miss my best huz-friend. But it’s a good thing,because we’re both taking care of [personal] business. I made one of my personal goals to get all extra fit and looking cute for myself. I’ve been hitting the gym with some of my ladies (HI YOU SESSY BISHES!) every day and have been taking a class called TRX. I affectionately refer to it as Dinosaur Class, because the next day, I end up looking like a T-Rex, not moving my arms too high. My body is sore for like three days, but I gives a damn. SO LONG, BINGO WINGS!

I’ve been hanging out with the most loveliest of ladies as of late. They are my rocks while we have our moments of [in]sanity and other random thoughts at two in the morning.  They’re the ones who will stay up till the early throes of the morning talking absolute nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, there was some dramz  not even TWO DAYS after the guys left. TWO FRIGGING DAYS. Of course, it’s all dramz from a huz-b who is getting out of the Army. Good riddance, the Army does NOT need you! But I digress. OH! I also made amends with a friend who we had a falling out with earlier last year.  Everything is good.

I can’t wait to see what the next month brings.

HOLY SWEET PEPPERY JESUS. Another year in the books. It was a good year overall. Highs and Lows, Ups and Downs…you know the drill. I’m going to tell you my year in pictures. [Note there are no pictures for April(Nothing of importance),June and July. I was recovering from surgery.]

  The total amount of weight I lost was 75  lbs SINCE June…Say What?!?! Yeah, I know! That is awesome. Along with me fitting in a bathing suit in oh about 10 years, give or take, has been a wonderful feeling. I don’t really have any resolutions…just going to be starting a mini bucket list for me to complete throughout the year. That sounds more reasonable than some resolution you’re going to break by January 3rd. I KNOW some of you.  *shifty eyes*

But whatevz. Have a kick ASS 2013. Take NO PRISONERS. RUFIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Can you believe that it’s November ALREADY?!?! I know….and supposedly NEXT month is the end of the world. But October was AWESOME. Let me give you a little recap of what I did:

Total Pounds Lost *drumroll please*: 60 (Holy shizz balls, I KNOW.)

One Super Awesome Thing I Did: I walked a 5k. Went to Atlanta and did the Firefly run. My time was an hour flat. I have never felt so EXCITED about doing this in my entire life. I plan to do more of these in the future. I felt so alive after I did that, like I could do anything.

Best time of my life. LIFE.

Books I’ve Read This Month: I think that I have bought more than I read, but THE one that really rocked my socks was The Diviners by Libba Bray. Clocking in at a whopping 578 pages, it’s definitely not one to read at night. It was perfect for the Halloween season.

I started to read Beta by Rachel Cohn, but put it down halfway into it..It sounded like a good premise [Girl is a clone on this island, goes to live with this family, things aren't what they seem.] but it was boring. I usually plow through a book, but for the love of all things holy, if  two hours have passed and I’m only on page 70 (70!) there is something wrong. I am glad that I did not purchase this one outright (Even if it DID have a shiny pretty cover!)

Books That Happened to Find Their Way to My House: Crap, this one is kind of long, so here goes

1. Beautiful Redemption (Beautiful Creatures #4) by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
2. Finale (Hush, Hush Saga #4) by Becca Fitzpatrick
3. Sacrifice (Legacy Trilogy #3) by Cayla Kluver
4. The Evolution of Mara Dyer (Mara Dyer #2) by Michelle Hodkin
5. The Lost Prince (Call of the Forgotten #1) by Julie Kagawa
6. Crewel (Crewel World#1) by Gennifer Albin
7. Venom(Secrets of the Eternal Rose #1) by Fiona Paul

I also got a few Advanced Readers Copies (ARCs):

1. Level 2 by Lenore Appelhans (I won this in a contest….rockin!)
2. Just One Day by Gayle Forman. (!!!)

Things I Also Purchased For Myself (That Weren’t Books!!):

1. A dress. A really pretty dress.
2. Cowboy boots
3. Tickets to see FUN. (In February.)

Now it’s on to November. New month to kick ass in. Catch you on the flip side!